One of lifes greatest pains!

Hi all,
Sorry I havnt been back here for a while.  Ive been quite unwell.  You see the sad news is that we lost our little 'suprise' on Monday 2nd July 2012.
I have been on a weird and strange roller coaster of emotions since then.
Let me explain our story...
Sunday1st June, I wasnt feeling the greatest.  I had a headache that had been nagging all day.  I was feeling sick, tired, achy and just unwell.  I put it all down to pregnancy hormones and being away and in the car for too long.

Sunday night around 10pm, i went to the toilet and there I saw the most undesirable thing a pregnant woman could see while pregnant...Blood!
I wiped again thinking it may just be a small amout but no...there was more, alot more. :(
As it was school holidays my kids were still awake.  Trying to hold back the tears I called my husband into our bedroom.  As soon as the door was shut I burst into tears.  He asked what was wrong and I told him.
He tried to comfort me saying things like "it might stop" "cant that happen in pregnancy?" "It'll be ok"
Just like my firt miscarraige...I just knew.  A woman has a strange way of 'just knowing' when we're pregnant and we also have a way when its slipping away.  I sat in bed and cried...no, sobbed uncontrollably.
My kids were wondering what was happening but my husband just said it ok and put them to bed.
I took some panadole and my husband told me to get some sleep and we'll see how we are in the morning.
SLEEP? 
Was he kidding? I tossed and turned all night, my baby was in my thoughts the whole time and each time i fully woke I teared up.

The next morning I woke at 7am.  I went to the toilet and yep...sure enough lots more heavy bleeding...this time accompanied with lots of pain,
My husband wonderfully organised the day off work, dropped the kids at a friends place and drove me to the hospital.
By this stage the pain was getting alot worse.  I had a heat bag for the pain.

When we arrived at the hospital they took me straight in.  Took my details and bloodpressure.  That was all over the place. I felt dizzy and sad.
Once they got me into a bed they took blood test and they needed and they needed a urine sample.
I was ushered down to the toilets with plastic specimen bottle in hand.
As I peeed, I felt a strange sensation.
I looked down and saw a blood clot, then again another much bigger clot right after.  Perfectly round bubble like.

Right there, staring at me in the hospital toilet was what I believed to be...my baby...my child...my love!

Weirdly for a moment I was thinking of fishing it out...yep.  Discusting, but at times like this you do think very bizzare things...but then I thought..'ugh, it a public hospital toilet...who knows what I could catch'
I stood there staring at it for while, crying.
I hesitated to flush the toilet but I had to.  When I did, this terrifying thought went through my head..."UGH, I JUST FLUSHED MY BABY DOWN THE TOILET"  I started sobbing again.
Anyway, I cleaned up and pulled myself together.

I walked out of the toilet and handed to specimen jar to the nurse.  She said to me "are you ok?"  I starting to tell her what happened in the toilet but started crying again, I couldnt get it out.  I finally did.  He rubbed my shoulder and told me to lie down and rest.  I hugged my husband and just cried and cried.

I was taken for an ultra sound and was told "there was no visable matter left" {Nice way to talk about my baby, huh?}
After being in the hospital for a few hours my blood test came back too, and said that the pregnancy hormone is still there but dropped dramaticaly since my last blood test (the ones I had the week earlier that appeared to be perfectly fine). 
They sent me on my way home and told me that i must have had a complete miscarraige.  I was told to just go home and rest.

Which I did. 

I layed in bed and slept till dinner time.  When i woke my husband came home with the kids.
We told the kids and they were devistated.
Mis mimi just broke down and cried her little heart out, and Little T just went deathly silent. With a few tears rolling down his cheek.
My babies broke my heart as I know exactly how they feel.
I had no answers, no reasons just cuddles and lots of love.

 We got pizza for dinner that night, rented out 'toothfairy 2' and chilled out.
We had a lazy, chilled out night,  Bedtimes didnt count, nutrition went out the window.  It was all about comfort and healing.  Which as a family we are still trying to do.

We planted a beautiful gardenia tree at our front door in rememberance of our little poppy seed.  (nicknamed as we imagined the tiny size of a poppy seed as the size of the baby...even though it was actually about small fingernail size) Placed at the front door so we can see it everyday.

3 and a half weeks later...this is where Im at.
I thought I was going ok.  I rested for a few days and got back into life.  I was going to the gym, shopping...going about as normal.  As though nothing happend.
Im due to get my next period tomorrow and I feel so yuck.
Im so hormonal, cranky, tired, and emotional.
Im angry, sad and fragile.
I have constant headaches and my body hurts.
Im tired and just want to sleep. 
I want to hide.
I feel as though Ive had a slight delayed reaction with the whole ordeal.  Yesterday i thought alot about my baby.  It realy actually sunk in what happened. 

I have put on loads of weight, got pimples and look anemic.
im constipated.  I feel nauseas 24/7.

Im going to get another check up with my doctor and see a natropath again.  I just feel unwell.

Overall, it just sucks!

I know I will be ok.  I know life goes on and things will ease.  But for now Im just taking life slow.  Being with my family and keeping warm.

Our New journey!

Big Hello to all in blog land today.  Im feeling on top of the world.  I have some big, big news.  First of all..I have created a second blog.  I deleted my muffinshmuffin blog as I found I never used it, and recreated a new one....But more on that later.

I wanted to tell you a story... Actually Ive cut and pasted it from my new blog...so enjoy the long read...

Our New journey!

I met my wonderful, wonderful husband back in 1996 when i was just 17. We fell in love and we married in November 1998...the Best thing we EVER did! I love that guy!
In 2002, we found out we were expecting our first baby. We were very, very happy. Although we wanted to wait 5 years, once we got that news...all that didnt matter.
All was pretty straight foward. Not feeling too sick, not much in the way of cravings. In April 2002, at 15 weeks pregnant I started spotting.
That sickening, horrorfying feeling in the pit of my stomach came. I instantly broke down and sobbed. I just knew.
A trip to the E.R confirmed the bad news. A long story short, a few days later I was admitted for a D & C and that was the most empty, sad feeling. I cant even begin to explain.

Two months later, when all was settled with my body we got the green light to try again. Right on Cue...we fell pregnant again that month!!
We were very lucky.

At 12.36am Friday, 28th March 2008 {after a 27 hour labour} we welcomed Our beautiful, amazing, precoiuse little girl into the world. That was such a surreal moment.

When our baby girl turned 14 months, We once again we were thrilled to discover bub number 2 was on their way.
At 7.30am Friday 8th February 2005 We met the most amazing, handsome little man. Our son. Our little dude!

For the past 7 years, hubby and I have been tossing up whether we should have another. Weighing up the pro's and cons...well they were kinda equal, so it has been a VERY , VERY hard choice to make. Ever since I was 9 years old I said I would have "3 babies". We knew we always wanted another...we just needed a 'woopsy' to force that decision. LOL.

On saturday 19th May 2012, I got my period...4 weeks later, around the 16th June I was to get my next one. It never came. Sometimes my period can do this. I have been known to be 'late' at times. Sometimes going 5 weeks. But a few more days past and I was getting suspicious.
I told my hubby I was going to get a Home pregnancy test and he said "nah, just wait another week"...are you kidding me!!!???
Once I have my mind set I have to test. This was what I got...

FRIDAY 22nd June 2012 test done at 3.30pm...6 Days late...



So, so feint...I almost thought I was imagining. I had to hold it up to the light and kinda squint to see anything. Hubby told me it was all in my head. He 'claimed' he couldnt see anything. What do you think?

SATURDAY 23rd June 2012 taken at 8am...7 days late

Yep...Im pretty convinced theres a line. Hubby still deny's...but with a silly grin, LOL.

SUNDAY 24th June 2012 Taken at 9am...8 days late.

Ah, yeah...we're PREGNANT! Hubby couldnt deny this. Even though its still not DARK, DARK...there is a line...and that line keeps popping up, ever darker each day.

That makes me 5 weeks pregnant.
{I have to still make a doctors appointment to confirm with blood test, scans etc...I still freak a little with the whole miscarrage thing.}

Ok, so we are having a baby!! A little aprehensive...but alot happy. Not planned exactly, but defintly wanted.

This blog will be a week-by-week diary/journal of our baby bean. I plan to journal what happens as a keepsake for my baby.
For my other two, I did this by hand but with one, ive decided to do it online.

Feel free to follow my, our journey as a family, as we go from 4 and become 5.
Here we go..."

My new blog you can find here! and it's aptly named... "Oh Baby, Baby!".
So our nest is growing from 4 to 5!  Yay!

 

Pizza Capers {part two}

Ok so, Last week I did a blog post on my homemade pizza's.  I said as I made different ones I would post about it.  Well, Sunday night we had friends over for a Lazy, fun catch up.  We actually originally planned to go to the beach and watch the sun set over wine and nibbles but as it turned out it was freeeeeezing, wet and miserable out so I told them to come here, to our home instead where it was warm and cosy.  They still brought their nibblies {cheeses, shaved hams, olives, etc, etc} but I thought seeing we were staying home I would cook sum pizza's for us all.  So along with the ones I posted about last, I also made these two...

1) My take on an Italian favorite...
I have on it...
*Pizza sauce
*Proccuitto
*cherry tomatoes
*Kalamata olives
*Philedelphia cream cheese
* Fresh  Rocket Leaves (to top)

It is a very simple, basic pizza that ALWAYS seems to cook up so lovely and tastey. Its always a winner. The cream cheese, although a little unusual for pizza is devine. A bit like fetta once cooked.

Next is "pizza roma with rocket & Parmesan...

This has *Red onion

*2 cloves of garlic

*450g minced beef

*6 thin slices of salami, chopped

*140g tomato paste

2 teaspoons of smoked Paprika

* 2 Tblsp chopped fresh oregano leaves

*4 tbspn water

* 2-3 tbspn pinenuts

*Fresh rocket leaves

* freshly shaved Parmesan cheese

Heat Olive oil in a non-stick frying pan.  Add sliced red onion and cook for about 2 mins untill tender. Stiring continually.  Add Garlic, minced beef and salami..  Cook untill beef has changed colour, making sure to break up any large peieces.

Stir in tomato paste, smoked paprika, chopped oregano and water and cook for 2-3 mins. Stirring occationally.  Set aside to cool.

Spoon cooled meat mixture onto the dough evenly and sprinkle with pinenuts.

Bake in a pre-heated oven at 180*C for 15-20 mins.

Serve topped with fresh rocket leaves and parmesan.

*Also nice with 2 tablespoons of olive oil combined with 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar...drzzled ove the top...yum!

  To be totaly honest...this was lovely but not my favorite, however my husband couldnt get enough of this one.  I think its a great "man" pizza...LOL.

All these were made, of course on my homemade pizza bases that I gave the recipe for in my last post.

 All ent down very well with good friends and red wine and was topped off with dessert....

Can't forget dessert!

My Pizza capers

Mmmmmm...pizza.  Generally Friday night is Pizza night in our home.  But not just any old pizza, yummy, healthy, wholesome homemade pizza.

I thought seeing it is such a favorite in our home I would do a super quick blog on this.
I make my own bases in the breadmaker.
Heres my pizza dough recipe...
*400ml of water
* 2 tablespoons of Olive oil
* 2 teaspoons celtic sea salt
*  5 cups of bread flour
*  3 1/2 tsp of yeast

Throw all in the bread maker in that order.  Click on the dough setting.  Wait approx an hour and a half.  Once mixed place the ball of dough onto a floured surface, slice in half.  Roll one half into a round pizza shape.  Place onto pizza tray/stone.
 A tip* Roll the dough slighly larger than the tray.  Then roll the edges into the base around the edge to fit the tray its on.  Doing this creates a 'crust' on your pizza.  It rises nicely at it cooks.

Then let it sit for about half an hour to allow the base to slightly rise and thicken.
Then simply place your topping on.

For the first one I pretty much placed on what I could find in my fridge and pantry...
tomato pizza sauce,
Zuccini,
Chopped tomato,
mushrooms,
capsicum,
olives,
sundried tomatos,
red onion,
Very thinly sliced celery,
smoked shaved ham,
fetta cheese and
grated cheese....

The second one is boring yet my kids favourite (sorry about the side pic).  On this i have...

*pizza sauce

*Shaved smoked ham

*Pineapple

* grated cheese

I do a few other toppings but I was thinking that as I cook these pizzas I will blog them.

Not very good pics, but with a bottle of red, a side salad and a new release dvd...These pizza's make Friday nights the best!

My rustic garden

HaPpY MoNdAy all!  I thought I would start the week off with a pretty blog about my new garden spot.  I found this georgouse little bench seat on ebay for a very, very cheap price...and I won! yay!

Isnt it just toooo cute??? It has such a rustic, homely, french farmhouse feel to it.

I had the perferfect spot for it outside my dining room window. I still need to tidy up around this are and I also want hubby to build a wooden screen to hide his 'beer fridge', not exactly somthing i want on display next to my pretty garden.
I had a ton of old terracotta pots and an old cast iron pot dug half way under dirt in the back yard where 'polly' our little chicky used to be.
Here is the result...

Below is One of my most favorite flowers EVER...daisies! Forever timeless and so homely.

an old tin with herbs, with my basil behind...

Little T and miss Mimi helped me, of course to plant.  They even wanted their own little plants that they grew from seed.  The first one is little T's {I just love that he's written 'daisy on his chalky part}...

...and the 2nd is miss Mimi's...

I'll update in a few weeks how they are growing.

 Below, my thriving mint.  It smells devine!

This is the old cast iron pot, growing my Italian parsley...cute huh?

Simply theraputic!  To see flowers and green outside my window with the sun dancing through the leaves gives me a huge smile everyday!

Happiness flutters in the air whilst we rest among the breaths of nature. ~Kelly Sheaffer

Trash Pack container.

This little project is a bit of a lame one.  It is so basic and a little sad looking & quite frankly Im a tad embaressed, however I thought I would share this post as I was happy with my re-use of items and also, my lovely son is happy with the results...so thats good, I guess.

At the moment my little T, {as most 7 year old boys are at the moment}, is obsessed with the trash packs.  He saw in the junk mail, a sale on trash pack trucks and extra little trashies to go along with it.  So he tore it out, pulled apart his money box and worked out if he could afford it.  He was a little off affording it so he worked his little butt off around the home untill he had enough money saved to buy it.  The big day came and he hasnt looked back since.  He was so excited to have his trash pack truck.

Anyway, we had all these little trash cans that didnt fit in the truck so he asked me to find somthing to put them in.  I hunted through my cupboards and found an empty Aldi coffee pod container.  They are metal tins and quite sturdy.  It was perfect. 

I soaked the label off it, cleaned it and then gave it a spray of silver.

BEFORE!

A bit of gooey green paint oozing out of it made it look 'bin-like' .  I then carefully painted 'the trash pack' on it.

The end result...

AFTER!

Like I said...a very basic, simple and not-so clever project but Im realy happy I got to re-use and recycle.

What have you done with those little aldi tins you have??  They are so useful.

Home pakages of hearts ♥

On Friday, Offically the last day of the school holidays the kids and I decided bake some cookies, package them up into cute little bundles and deliver them to our beautiful friends.

We made heart shaped shortbreads with lemon icing.
Very simple to make with only a few simple ingredience...

2 Cups of self-raising flour (sifted)
1 Cup of custard powder (sifted)
2/4 cup icing sugar (sifted)
1 block of butter

Mix together with your fingers untill it turns into a dough.  This does take some time so you may want to have someone close by to chat to, my kids provided great enetertainment for me, heehee also you may have or want to purchase a fancy pants 'pastry blender' that does this job a bit quicker.  I purchased mine from 'robins kitchen' for only around $7, a great investment I think.

Once you have a smooth dough roll into a ball and place on a floured bench and roll out. Cut out your shapes...

The kids loved 'cutting' the cookies (we had our lil' neighbor friend help out too)...

Placed the cookie heart shapes onto cookie trays (or as we used pizza trays lined with baking paper) we used a fork to lightly place marks onto the cookie dough.  I think it just adds that professional look, LOL...

Once cooked to a golden colour we took them out of the oven to cool.  We made lemon icing with pure icing sugar and a squeeze of lemon, mixed to a failry thick paste consistancy.  If you like to get that 'lemon' look you can add a very. very small drop of lemon food colouring and mix it in well to give it the lemon look.  But this isnt neccary.  Put icing on ONE under side of of the cookie and squish another on top...

End result...Lots of tasty little heart kisses...

All packged up with brown paper and ribbon, as well as homemade stamped tags to let our friends know how much we love them ♥

Both my kids got a total buzz out of delivering them.  They felt so special and so happy they were giving homemade gifts.

Once delivered the text messages of thanks started rolling in.  The thanks & appreciation made all of us feel so happy & proud we made somone else day just that tiny bit nicer ♥

It was all worth it!